Jokes 05/21/10
"The Washington Post says the drug Botox could be the newest weapon used by terrorists. Botox is short for Botulinum Toxin and a speck of toxin the size of a grain of sand could kill a 150-pound adult. Fortunately, I haven't weighed 150 pounds since I was nine." -Jimmy Kimmel
A young couple get married. As the husband is an avid golfer, the wife decides to take up golf so she can spend more time with him.
Knowing nothing about it, she goes to the pro for lessons. The pro was busy and advised her to get a bucket of balls and practice until he was through with his present client. "But I don't even know how to hold the clubs" The pro says, "Just hold it like you would your husband's penis."
Some time later, the pro approaches the driving range to see the woman driving the ball a fair distance. He says, "Not bad, but lets take the club out of your mouth."
"A Holiday Inn in Great Britain is now offering human bedwarmers. These are people hired to lay in between the sheets to keep the bed warm. You know every hooker in town is saying, 'Why didn't I think of that?'" -Jay Leno
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
***************************************************
1. She is not a "BABE "or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
10. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS: - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
11. She is not a "TWO-BIT WHORE" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
A young couple get married. As the husband is an avid golfer, the wife decides to take up golf so she can spend more time with him.
Knowing nothing about it, she goes to the pro for lessons. The pro was busy and advised her to get a bucket of balls and practice until he was through with his present client. "But I don't even know how to hold the clubs" The pro says, "Just hold it like you would your husband's penis."
Some time later, the pro approaches the driving range to see the woman driving the ball a fair distance. He says, "Not bad, but lets take the club out of your mouth."
"A Holiday Inn in Great Britain is now offering human bedwarmers. These are people hired to lay in between the sheets to keep the bed warm. You know every hooker in town is saying, 'Why didn't I think of that?'" -Jay Leno
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
***************************************************
1. She is not a "BABE "or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
10. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS: - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
11. She is not a "TWO-BIT WHORE" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
Comments
Post a Comment