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Showing posts from June, 2018

Jokes 06/13/2018

These two guys go to a whorehouse.
The first guy goes in then comes out and says, "My wife is better."
The second guy goes in then comes out and says, "You know what? Your wife IS better."
I've been married 25 years, took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot, 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa bed...
Got this text from my brother recently. It read, "Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' lady kicked me…

Random Facts 06/13/2018

Dietary fiber (roughage) is an essential nutrient required for proper digestion of foods, proper functioning of the digestive tract at large, and for helping you feel full. A deficiency of fiber can lead to constipation, hemorrhoids, and elevated levels of cholesterol and sugar in the blood. Conversely, an excess of fiber can lead to a bowel obstruction, diarrhea, or even dehydration. Individuals who increase their intake of fiber should also increase their intake of water.
Ten common, extremely high fiber foods include; Bran, Cauliflower & Broccoli, Cabbage, Berries, Leafy Greens, Celery, Squash, Beans, Mushrooms and Oranges!

Dad Impregnates Daughter

Random Music 06/03/2018 Pt. 2

Random Music 06/03/2018

Random Music 06/02/2018 Pt. 2

Random Music 06/02/2018

Toy Story Conspiracy Theories Revealed

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Hotel Transylvania 3 Trailer

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Jokes 06/02/2018 Pt. 3

The trouble with finding your perfect soul mate is that she would probably want to get married, then four weeks after the wedding you would meet another perfect soul mate, with bigger tits.
An older couple decided to get married.
She said: I want to keep my house.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to keep my Cadillac.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to have sex 6 times a week.
He said: Put me down for Fridays.
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found hi…

Jokes 06/02/2018 Pt. 2

"The city of Anchorage, Alaska, has voted down a bathroom bill that discriminates against transgendered people. Residents said, 'You know, it's so cold here in Alaska we can't tell what genitals you have anyway.'" -Conan O'Brien
I was talking to a friend of mine, and he told me that he's been married a little over four years. He told me he was celebrating his 'Wooden' anniversary.
I asked what a 'wooden' anniversary was.
He said, "I asked her to give me a blow job and she wooden."
"A former Playboy bunny just became the oldest lingerie model at 83 years old. When asked why she went back to work, she said, 'My Trump hush money ran out.'" -Jimmy Fallon
The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law, Paddy, in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my …

Quotes 06/02/2018

*---- Quotes For The Day ----*
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. --Albert Einstein
The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. --Harlan Ellison
Lord, what fools these mortals be! --William Shakespeare, "A Midsummer Night's Dream", Act 3 scene 2
**--- MYSTERY QUOTE ---**
Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
See at the bottom for the answer
*---- More Quotes for the Week ----*
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered. --Voltaire
There are more fools in the world than there are people. --Heinrich Heine
Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. --Martin Luther King Jr., Strength to Love, 1963
MYSTERY QUOTE AND ANSWER - DID YOU GUESS CORRECTLY?
Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
ANSWER: Frank Dane

Jokes 06/02/2018

"A man has been sentenced to five years in jail for trying to smuggle 51 turtles in his pants. The man has already told his cellmate, 'There's nothing you can do to me that 51 turtles haven't.'" -Conan O'Brien
A woman tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it doesn't work. The clerk explains that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on 'special'.
Suddenly, the lady starts screaming! "Pinch My Nipples! Pinch My Nipples! Pinch My Nipples!"
The befuddled clerk runs away to get the store manager. The manager goes to the lady and asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?"
She explained the problem with the toaster, and he tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the lady starts yelling, Pinch My Nipples! Please, pinch My Nipples!"
By now a crowd has gathered! In shock, the manager pleads, "Ma'am, why do you keep saying that?

Random Music 06/01/2018 Pt. 6

Random Music 06/01/2018 Pt. 5

Random Music 06/01/2018 Pt. 4

Random Music 06/01/2018 Pt. 3

Random Music 06/01/2018 Pt. 2

Random Music 06/01/2018

Random Facts: 04/16/2018

Franklin Roosevelt used the IRS to harass newspaper publishers who were opposed to his plans for the New Deal. The former president also used the IRS on political rivals and prominent Republicans, including an IRS audit of illegal campaign contributions made by a government contractor to congressman and future president Lyndon B. Johnson.
During his presidency, Richard Nixon encouraged a secret IRS program called the Special Services Staff, which investigated his political opponents as well as harassing them with audits. More than 10,000 individuals and groups were targeted between 1969 and 1973.