Jokes 06/02/2018 Pt. 2

"The city of Anchorage, Alaska, has voted down a bathroom bill that discriminates against transgendered people. Residents said, 'You know, it's so cold here in Alaska we can't tell what genitals you have anyway.'" -Conan O'Brien
I was talking to a friend of mine, and he told me that he's been married a little over four years. He told me he was celebrating his 'Wooden' anniversary.
I asked what a 'wooden' anniversary was.
He said, "I asked her to give me a blow job and she wooden."
"A former Playboy bunny just became the oldest lingerie model at 83 years old. When asked why she went back to work, she said, 'My Trump hush money ran out.'" -Jimmy Fallon
The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law, Paddy, in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"
"Ah now, calm down, calm down, Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
Minutes later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
"Paddy. I told you there must be a simple explanation... she never got your email!"