Jokes 04/06/2018

"Ireland will be opening its first nude beach this April. And in May, Ireland will be closing its first nude beach." -Conan O'Brien
A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100 meter final.
I laughed, "What? Over in 9.5 seconds?"
"No," she said, "Eight black men and a gun."
"Today the Yankees had to postpone their home opener because of a snowstorm. You can tell it was cold because the foot-long hot dogs were only five inches." -Jimmy Fallon
Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future."
Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."
"That's true," said Paul.
"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"
"Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?"
"Love line? No, from the calluses."