Jokes: 05/31/14 (Explicit Content)
How do you get your husband interested in oral sex?
Douche with beer.
What do you call a gay gentleman from the Deep South?
A homo-sex-y'all.
What's the most active muscle in a woman?
The penis.
How can you tell if a woman really likes oral sex?
She hikes up her skirt every time someone yawns.
How do you get a woman off during sex?
Push her.
Three guys are discussing women. "I like to watch a woman's tits best, " the first guy says. "I just love the way they bounce."
The second says "I like to look at a woman's ass. I love the way it jiggles."
He asks the third guy, "What about you?"
"Me? I prefer to see the top of her head."
[I know this is an old one, but this joke cracks me up...]
A murder has been committed. Police are called to an apartment and find a man holding a 5-iron in his hands, standing over the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.
The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?"
"Yes."
"Did you hit her with that golf club?"
"Yes. Yes, I did," the man, answers. He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head.
"How many times did you hit her?"
"I don't know. Five...maybe six ...put me down for a five."
A salesman was traveling through the countryside, selling insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. "Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it." The farmer was dubious. "Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you." The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the corn field. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him. The farmer was perplexed. "Son," he said, "Now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?" The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked, "For crying out loud, Mister, doesn't that calf have a Mother!"
Douche with beer.
What do you call a gay gentleman from the Deep South?
A homo-sex-y'all.
What's the most active muscle in a woman?
The penis.
How can you tell if a woman really likes oral sex?
She hikes up her skirt every time someone yawns.
How do you get a woman off during sex?
Push her.
Three guys are discussing women. "I like to watch a woman's tits best, " the first guy says. "I just love the way they bounce."
The second says "I like to look at a woman's ass. I love the way it jiggles."
He asks the third guy, "What about you?"
"Me? I prefer to see the top of her head."
[I know this is an old one, but this joke cracks me up...]
A murder has been committed. Police are called to an apartment and find a man holding a 5-iron in his hands, standing over the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.
The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?"
"Yes."
"Did you hit her with that golf club?"
"Yes. Yes, I did," the man, answers. He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head.
"How many times did you hit her?"
"I don't know. Five...maybe six ...put me down for a five."
A salesman was traveling through the countryside, selling insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. "Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it." The farmer was dubious. "Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you." The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the corn field. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him. The farmer was perplexed. "Son," he said, "Now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?" The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked, "For crying out loud, Mister, doesn't that calf have a Mother!"
Comments
Post a Comment